MIA Continuity Guy, Part One

Welcome to the first post of MIA Continuity Guy, named in memoriam of True Blood’s latest and greatest sacrifice, their continuity guy.

I mean, it’s the only explanation, right?  That he’s dead?  Or missing?  Or eaten?  How else could so many plot holes develop in our beloved vampire universe?  I sat down with a buddy a while back and, as a joke, starting naming any we could think of.  At first, it was funny.  After about twenty, it turned into a different kind of joke.  Less of the ha-ha joke and more of the fuckin’ clown shoes joke.  As in pathetic.  As in, if a coupla fans can sit down with a glass of wine and belt out twenty without really trying, what chimp in a suit and rollerskates did they HIRE to do it?  I already have a job, so why am I doing his?

I read on the official TB blog that some found this kind of criticism nit-picky.  I disagree.  As much as I joke, I’m not THAT much of an unstable fan.  I love the show.  I think it is (was?) wonderful.  But I’m also discerning, which is why I’m watching HBO in the first place.  If I wanted mindless drivel aimed towards the lower common denominator, I’d watch CBS.  But HBO made Deadwood.  They made The Wire.  They made The Sopranos.  They made The Newsroom.  They and we hold them to a higher standard.  So when I start seeing inconsistencies and outright contradictions in their narrative, I find it distracting.  THEY wrote their rules.  I’m allowed to throw a yellow card if they violate them.

But what do you think?  Here are some of the examples my friend and I spotted, in no particular order.

1)  Sarah Newlin was able to uninvite Jessica out of Jason’s home, even though she herself does not live there.

2)  Eric drank Claudine to death and was walking in the daytime hours later.  The camp vamps drank Bill/Warlow’s blood and were able to daywalk, until Sookie killed Warlow and that ability suddenly vanished.  Why?

3)  Nora insisted for half of the season that the only person who could kill Warlow was Lillith.  Billith didn’t deliver the final blow to him.  Jason did.  Jay. Son.  The town bicycle/special needs adult.  I was as underwhelmed as low tide. 

4)  Eric needed fairy blood to daywalk and attack vamp camp.  He drank Adilyn in order to breach Faery and drink Warlow.  Why?  Adilyn was probably MUCH more fairy, being at least half, than Warlow was.  Why add that unnecessary step?

5)  Bill saves all the camp vamps.  The overhead door opens to him feeding all of them his sunscreen blood.  WTF?  He used a door to get in there in the first place, right?  Could they NOT use it to exit the compound and avoid the sun entirely?

6)  Bill is drained after the ordeal.  Despite warm bleeding humans littering the compound, Vampire James decides to offer his blood to revive Bill.  It works.  Nowhere in TB lore was it ever suggested that vampires could nourish each other.  Given the fact that there were oodles of bloody meals lying around, this is as baffling as it is unacceptable.

7)  Eric once told Pam that Making a vampire, then leaving her was the equivalent of throwing a newborn in the gutter, implying that it simply wasn’t done.  Once he made Willa, I’m not sure he even spoke to her ever again, and simply sent her back to her father as a starving, clueless baby vamp.  He then left for Sweden, abandoning her to Pam, who in turn abandoned her to Tara.  Epic. Fail.

8)  Hep V killed Nora quickly and horribly.  Those who drank the virus in vamp camp survived and became the Walking Undead.

9)  It took Sam all of two days to get over Luna and shag someone new.

10)  Ricki worred that she’d lose Alcide to his drunk power trip and did what she had to to ensure his favour.  Then suddenly she’s drunker than him and tries to kill him when he shows a shred of mercy towards Sam’s new girlfriend (I refuse to learn her name) and her mom.

11)  Alcide is shagging Sookie when Debbie is mouldering in a shallow grave somewhere in her yard.  You KNOW he can smell it.  And he’s okay with it?  How disgusting is that?

12)  Niall’s appearance this season made no sense at all.  Rather, it didn’t enrich the plot in any way.

13)  Warlow was waiting for Sookie for five thousand years, according to him.  His reasons are never specified.  When she asks him for a little time to get to know him before committing permanently to him (which would take, what? A month or two?), he’s suddenly out of patience and backhands her, proving he’s a bad guy all along in the not-so-big reveal.

14)  The contract promising Sookie to Warlow specifies the “first fae-bearing female” in the Stackhouse line.  It was never made clear why Sookie would need to “bear Fae”.  Would they have been fertile?  Did Warlow want her for children?  And if that were the case, wouldn’t Hadley have been the first, since she bore Hunter?

15)  Jason had Jessica’s blood, and she’d claimed him as hers in the past against other vampires like Steve Newlin.  So why, in vamp camp, was Violet able to call dibs on him and just start drinking away?  Wouldn’t she smell Jessica’s blood?  Why didn’t Jessica bark at the whole room that “Jason is Mine!”?  That’s what every vampire in the past did.  Someone suggested that Violet was 800 years old and Jessica was no match for her, but again, that’s never mattered in the past.  Sookie was Bill’s and all vamps, including Eric, respected it.  Yes, I know they were trapped and starving and niceties were probably being ignored, but Jessica didn’t even TRY.  Lame.

16)  Jason allows Violet to claim him after telling Jessica and the whole world that he could never love a vampire and wanted nothing to do with them anymore.

17)  Sookie allows Warlow to claim her after telling Bill and Eric that she was done with supernatural trouble and wanted nothing to do with them anymore.

18)  Warlow is a zillion years old, yet no one talks about his age in the same hushed, terrified whispers like they did Russell.  And in the end, it wasn’t particularly hard to kill him despite being almost invincible.

19)  Warlow went ape shit in Hot Wings and killed all the fairies, presumably for their blood since he can’t control himself around Sookie and might drain her.  And yet, when he attacked and subdued Niall in the hotel room, Niall the full fairy king, Warlow calmly sipped his blood, then spat it down the drain, and kept doing it until Niall was weak enough to be tossed into that interdimensional wherever.  WTF?  He loses his shit around Hot Wings and Sookie, but not Niall?

20)  The entire side plot of Sookie’s parents.  First, Sookie sees Warlow’s memory of that night on the bridge.  He kills both parents, then dives in the backseat looking for Sookie’s blood and finds a Band Aid.  Claudine then shows up and smites him to the interdimensional wherever.  THEN we find out that Warlow was saving Sookie from being tossed into the river to drown that night by her parents.  If Sookie watched Warlow’s memory, then how come that version doesn’t bear out?  She wasn’t in the car in Warlow’s memory.  But she WAS in the memory of Corbett, her dad.  We’re lead to believe that Corbett and Warlow were telling the truth when they admit her parents were planning to murder her, so WTF was that flashback in last Season Five about?  Fucking writers.

There.  That’s twenty.  And these were just contradictions, there were plenty of other annoyances that were just inconsistencies or poor storytelling.  Please toss in any others you remember.  Each one brings us closer to the truth about our poor MIA Continuity Guy and his no-doubt ugly fate he met behind the toolshed on the set.  If our list gets long enough, perhaps we can petition HBO for an investigation into his disappearance.  If they inform us he’s alive and accounted for, we can then petition HBO for him to meet an ugly death behind the toolshed.  We can bury him next to Debbie.  Clearly no one takes issue with corpses in their rose hedge on this show.

H

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20 comments on “MIA Continuity Guy, Part One

  1. Adriana says:

    Honestly, I didn’t even bother watching it this year. I’d get my information second hand and wonder where they bought their crack because I think they were all smoking it up there in the writers’ room. I have the first episode where Sookie uninvites Eric right after he signed over the house back to her. And, I predicted that we would only see them in that episode. The writers threw the shippers a bone with a string attached and then laughed their asses off when we all went running after it. Call me a crazed fangirl but after DEA and then HBO, my shipper heart went boom and I just gave up on HBO and Charlaine Harris. I stick to fanfiction now.

  2. ficlit78 says:

    I get that. I’d rather jokingly predicted the same, then had my heart torn out when they didn’t actually interact again for the entire season. That was just a double middle finger to 85% of the fan base. I had a hard time concentrating on the rest of the show, because I found their separation to be THAT distracting. So I get your abandonment issues and share them. Fanfiction may be the last viable option.

    • Lara Kingsley says:

      I just hope the writers will listen to the fans… As if season 5 wasn’t hard enough with Eric and Sookie only sharing about 20 minutes on screen together out of 12 hours of show. And that scene in the season 6 premiere killed me. And don’t get me started with this whole 6 months later in the finale. Playing house with Alcide?????? WTF! I’m so hoping for Eric and Sookie to get a HEA together in the end, but then Brian Buckner said something ’bout season 7 being a Alcide/Sookie/Bill triangle thing so… But a girl can dream! And there’s still fanfictions, like your amazing ones

  3. luvvamps says:

    You are so right about them giving us the double middle finger. It just pisses me off! It could have been so great. It all goes back to Ballsacks hard on for Stephen Moyer. He did all he could do to try and make him the hero. IMO it didn’t work, all it did was ruin what should have been the best show on television.

    • ficlit78 says:

      I agree. Bill and Sookie said hurtful things to each other since the end of season three, out of the pain of their break-up. In season six, they were hurling the worst kind of verbal abuse at each other out of hatred. The idea that Bill can somehow claw back a redemption is insulting to abuse victims everywhere. They’re reunion doesn’t make sense at this point. Their relationship is dead. I despise the concept and hope like hell it’s not set in stone. Buckner would be a fool to move ahead with it.

  4. Speaking of abusers, Violet is abusive to Jason and nobody seems to care, not even Sookie…

    • ficlit78 says:

      Right? Like everyone just left him with this psychopath who fang raped him in prison and kept him as a pet on the outside. He seems kinda okay with it, but he’s Jason! He needs mittens all the time! Someone should have his power of attorney, because he’s too stupid to think for himself! Whatev. Bon Temps is clearly French for Crazy Town. Everyone is so screwed with their own problems, friends’ problems don’t rank anymore.

  5. I haven’t decided if I’m going to watch S7 or not. It’s gonna depend on what they do with Eric. If he’s some vision to Pam like Godric was to him, I’m done. I was so seriously pissed with that whole scene on the mountain I could just spit. He’s lived for a thousand years and he knows the fairy blood only lasts for so long before it starts to wear off, right? So how the hell is he gonna be out there unprotected like he was with no escape plan?!?! He ALWAYS has a plan!

    And as much as I love my Eric/Sookie fanfic, I actually shudder at the thought of him ending up with TB Sookie cause I think she is a stupid cunt. I doubt 10 episodes is enough for her to pull her head out of her ass. And Bill’s. And Alcide’s. And Sam’s. And random Supe that just happens to catch her fancy.

    • ficlit78 says:

      I know! When I heard there was going to be a Sookie/Alcide/Bill love triangle next season, my first thought was, “Oh no! If they put that in motion, there won’t be enough time in the eps for Eric and Sookie to come together!” After awhile, I thought, “Even if there was no triangle and it was all about Sookie and Eric coming together, it would still feel hurried and forced.” Now, I think, “Screw it. They’ve ruined it to where, even if the second option was their endgame, they’ve wasted too much time and made Sookie an absolute idiot who gets with whoever’s on her doorstep (except Eric) and their reunion would feel like a tacked-on HEA, a cave-in to the fans’ screaming. Had they answered our screams three seasons ago, it would have appeared natural. Now? They won’t do it, and if they do, screw them.

      And yet…. I still kinda want it to happen. Stupid screaming fan brain.

  6. Karin says:

    My nostrils just cooled off. They’ve made Sookie such a shrill supe slut that I don’t know if I want her to end up with Eric. She doesn’t deserve him, even if the writers didn’t do his character justice. Yet …, like you … my inner fan girl wants to see it happen, though it will piss me off to no end when it takes nine episodes of to give us 60 seconds of happily ever after. Aaaand that is if they even give it to us. I don’t know if I can sit through nine episodes of crap I don’t care about to get there. I’m looking at you Andy, Arlene, Alcide, and Sam. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy their characters, but not as two-thirds of the show.

    PS: I say this now, but no doubt I’ll be watching next year if not to enjoy what could be a bang up series finale then just to bitch about about shit sandwich they’ve just fed me.

  7. 888spike says:

    IMHO, when Ball & Buckner ramble on the show being crafted in ‘the spirit’ of CH’s books, I think what he really meant was the only thing they took from the books is the continuity errors….
    My fave – DEA Eric saying he should have turned Sookie against her will as he thought to do vs the same Eric of DITF who felt guilt because he couldn’t heal Sookie’s any further because he knew they’d reached the line where it was too iffy for her to take more of his blood and risk turning. IF Eric truly had been thinking to break his word and turn Sookie against her will, this was *the* perfect opportunity to do it and call it an oops. Another case of MIA continuity guy kidnapping/disappearance/evaporation? Who knew it to be a high risk career 😉

    • ficlit78 says:

      I didn’t read the books, but I read the scathing outrage about them. I know about that whole Eric wanting to turn her against her will thing! What the hell? Like I said above, I think it was Harris punishing the fans by hacking him into the shape of a monster, even though his true form was already established. Tragic. Glad I never got immersed in that world. I bruise too easily.

  8. 888spike says:

    The continuity snafu’s are already piling up in Buckners “damage control” interviews. Not sure if you’ve read this but here’s one of his ‘rah rah S7’ bullshit: (either tvline or guide, can’t remember exact link- google to read more) but it pissed me off:

    ‘However, Brian also warns that fans shouldn’t expect Eric to just miraculously heal after his encounter with that giant ball of fire in the sky. “That would be a cheat, wouldn’t it?” he asks. As for how easily Eric Northman will recover for his extreme sunburn, this will not be a cake walk. Buckner said “to have Eric miraculously come out of something like this would be a cop out. And considering how long it took for Russell Edgington (Denis O’Hare) to recover from his burning, we may not want to see the Viking naked again any time soon!”

    “We sent Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten) off in search of Eric, and maybe she’s going to be the one to find him but if she were to find him right away, we would be doing a disservice to ourselves and to the audience. How we use Eric is going to be up to us. Sookie’s going to put her money where her mouth is saying “no more vampires.” She got into it with Warlow without knowing he was a vampire, so she was trying. But this shows growth for Sookie. I mean, I suppose Alcide’s a hunk, so at least she’s still getting her piece. [Laughs] He’s the most normal, most human, most down-to-earth of any of her suitors. So to me, with Eric gone and off on his own story going forward, I think it’s a pretty obvious triangle we’re setting up between Bill and Sookie and Alcide. We want people to rest assured that Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) will be back in their living rooms next year or wherever they watch. Boy do they love him! Wow!”

    :p

    K. So obviously Buckner/MIA continuity guy forgot darling Bill burned to a ashy crisp *looking exactly like Russell* in Season 1. Sam buried Bill and 24 hours later….viola! Bill perfect and constipated face in place to whine/beg at Sookie’s door.

    Hmmmm….let’s see. Age = healing rate. Old the vamp, faster the heal. So how is it a 165yr old vamp can heal faster than a 3000 or 1000 yr vamp? Oh that’s right…they need Eric out of the picture for the triangle.

    The Triangle. Sookies on the “no vamp” bandwagon again & showing growth? Did I miss something? Last I knew Bill was Still.A.Vamp. uuuhhhhhmmmmm…….maybe he meant a growth is showing on her? 😉

    • ficlit78 says:

      I’ve read a few of his interviews (in fact, I may do a post about them), and yes, I read that thing about Eric.

      My problem with that scene with Eric is this:

      1) He was standing on a mountain with twenty feet of snow beneath him. All he had to do was burrow into it and stay there until sunset.
      2) Buckner suggesting that Eric will STILL be injured in S7. WTF? He was burned, then they skipped SIX MONTHS AHEAD! Is he seriously suggesting it’ll take longer than that for him to heal? And to compare him to Russell, who was starved for over a year, and who recuperated in a few weeks? Fuck that. If he can’t keep track of his own universe, then hire somebody who can. (And I totally forgot about crispy Bill S1! Good call!)
      3) Saying that Pam couldn’t find Eric right away. W.T.F?!?! She’s his CHILD. They have GPS on each other all the time!
      4) Buckner’s greasy panic about losing fans and blubbering to as many outlets as possible about S7 plotlines and the promise of Eric’s return. NEVER has TB ever felt the need to assuage viewers by blowing their cliffhangers DAYS after the finale and assure everyone that everything is okay (e.i. Eric isn’t dead). That was one of its greatest strengths; a nail-biting cliffie that we had to wait nine months to resolve. I think Buckner knew he’d overstepped. So instead, he’s holding Eric’s character hostage while he extols the virtue of his E/B/A triangle. Like anyone is fooled.
      5) I fear, in the end, the entire TB series will serve as a Bill 4EVA vehicle, and that will just break my heart. If S7 dims on the quaint town of Bon Temps with Sookie and Bill sitting on her porch snuggled under a blanket and looking at the stars, muttering “I love yous”, I will mourn this show for a long time. But I’m afraid that’s how it’s shaping up. Buckner and Ball have made no bones about the fact that they think Sookie and Bill are soulmates. They seem to share Harris’ bafflement at the fans’ love of Eric, and will throw him under a bus to drive home the point that he was never meant to be The One.

      We’ll see. For now, I continue to dwell in fanfiction.

  9. 888spike says:

    I know, totally insane.

    It’s been established Eric is a Survivor first and foremost…Yet they have him scream like a girl instead of tunneling underground? *sigh*

    …and Pam somehow can’t zero in on him?

    …and while everyone else skipped ahead 6 months into Stepford land somehow Eric STILL isn’t healed? Needs more time because after a 6 month leap…’it would’ve a cop out to heal so fast!?! WTF. Maybe it’s like reverse faery land where he is 😉

    …Buckner attributed the difference why Nora’s death was quick while the infected vamps are walking dead to “the virus mutating”! Uh huh.

    I fear you’re right about the end. I actually think it will end with Sookie as Bills child/bonded/mate and think her being okay with Warlow turning her set it up this Sookie is okay with turning. This has been Bills show all along, SM added EP to his name by season 5, so I can’t see it going anywhere else.

    Oddly I’ll be fine with that as long as Eric gets as good storyline because quite honestly I loathe TB Sookie. Season after season I go in with hope for her….only to be left with a stupid-never-learns-from-exact-same-situations/scams-shrill-shrieking-ungrateful-self righteous-bitch. After everything Eric has done for Sookie all I get from her is she’s still repulsed by him. May just be AP’s acting and constant bitch-face (meow, I know)
    I definitely climbed on board with Pam’s way of thinking this season and super warmed up to Nora….in time for them to kill her off! At least with Nora I could see the love and respect she felt for Eric and vice verse. But if Eric is taking 6 months to recoup with a fab new chica who actually seems *like/appreciate* him, I’ll happily cheer his ship on.

    • ficlit78 says:

      I hate to agree, but I do. I don’t want to hate Sookie, so instead I chose to hate how they’ve written her. She was such a wonderful charcter for the first few seasons. She could have grown into an incredible, complex and powerful supernatural force. But after those seasons, her goals and behavior just jumped all over the place. I don’t think they wanted to commit her to any one path, so they kept her options open to the detriment of her character.

      A shame.

      Anywho, I’ll watch maybe the first ep or two next year to see what they’ve decided to do. I’m guess, in order to salvage the last shred of love I have for this show, I’ll have to stop before they show me something I can’t unsee.

  10. Connie says:

    re: #4 – Warlow was full blooded Fairy before he was turned, so his blood was ‘stronger’ than Adilyn’s (who was half Fairy, half human), but that didn’t have anything to do with the daywalking… he was a full blood Fairy who had been turned and could daywalk because he had been Fae. Fairy blood gives vampires the short term ability; Fairy/vampire blood extends the time frame. Since he died (and the ability died with him) there’s no way to know how long it would have lasted.

    • ficlit78 says:

      Hey Connie. It’s been awhile since I’ve watched, but I don’t recall when Ben’s faeness was quantified. How do we know he was full Fae versus half like Sookie? He couldn’t pop in and out of Faerie, he didn’t know about their land. He didn’t know other fairies, he just hung out with other humans. And I know that their blood gives vampires the ability to daywalk, but my point was that Eric drank Claudine to death and he was walking in the daylight hours later, but then Warlow died and the ability left them all immediately. I just hate that the writers failed to follow their own rules. Grrrrr!

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