MIA Continuity Guy, Part Two

More “nit-picky” shit (called legitimate plot hole spotting) that the MIA Continuity Guy would have fixed if he weren’t dead in the rose hedge. 

1)  Lillith told Bill that he’d been chosen to save vampire kind from the horrible something-something-never-specified-cloaked-in-cryptic-crap.  But when it came down to it, Bill saved….what?…20 vampires in a piddly little camp in Northern Louisiana?  Dude, Antonia was a better villan than Burrell, in terms of vamp extermination.  Why didn’t Lillith appear and stop her way back then? 

2)  Speaking of Lillith, are we EVER going to get the full story on her?  Okay, so she’s the First Vampire, but who Made her?  Did she just magically appear thousands of years ago?  Or was she a mad god of sorts, as others suggested?  I’m really annoyed that she had the Chancellors kill each other off for the honor of being possessed by her, when her ultimate goal was destroying Vamp Camp.  Hell, Eric did half that shit, and he wasn’t chosen by her.  I’m pretty sure even that little kid vamp could have handled Burrell’s wannabe Birkenau. 

3) If there were more fairies around in the old days (as we’ve been told there were), how come there weren’t more faepires Made?  Why was Warlow seemingly the only one anyone had ever heard of? 

4)  Why has the fairy plot line been so crappy?  Mab was a great character.  She was clearly very intent on collecting every last fairy hybrid in the world and bringing them back to Faery.  Sookie escapes, and we never see her again.  Mab makes NO ATTEMPT to take her again.  Claudine shows up and makes some vague suggestion that Sookie is only safe with them, but Eric eats her and Sookie seems totally unmoved by her death.  Claude later explains (in their insurgent hideout/burlesque house) that not all fairies agree with Mab’s reaping, of which we never hear anything of again.  Hadley and Hunter have thrown in with them, though we’re never told how she find out about them or why she’s chosen to permenently live with them….or why she’s apparently a waitress there.  (I guess even fairies require cute blondes to bring them beer.)  Then Niall shows up, with zero explanation about his kingliness or how his royalty relates to Mab.  He proves about as effective as Bud Dearborn in fighting supernatural crime, then leaves after the big showdown.  And Warlow was his dad?  Jesus, writers.  Learn to plot a course before you steer an ocean liner.

5)  I know it’s going back a ways, but I STILL never got a clear answer as to why Marnie was able to silver Eric and Bill and burn them at the stake.  Think about it.  Bill killed her.  She inhabited Lafayette.  Marniyette killed Jesus and went to exact revenge on the two vampires.  But Antonia had already left her.  Her ability as a necromancer left with her.  How in the fuck was she able to corral those two onto a fire?  And if she could, why would she need silver chains to tie them up?  Wouldn’t her will keep them in place?  Lafayette didn’t have the ability, and neither did Jesus, so how THE FUCK did she overpower BOTH of them? 

6)  I can’t believe I’ve gone this far without mentioning when Sookie went to Sam and absurdly confessed that she’d always secretly believed that they’d one day end up together.  Does Charlaine Harris own stock in HBO?

7)  If Warlow managed to kill Lillith (his Maker) all those years ago, who the hell collected her blood in a vial for the vampires to worship thousands of years later?  She was a blood stain in a cave!  Did they ring that shit out of the dirt?!?  (Insert Cave Fae shout-out to kjwrit.)

8)  Warlow has looked the exact same since he was turned 5,000 years ago, minus the stupid wig.  Why, oh why did Sookie’s visions of him in memories and her bathroom portray him as the lead vocals from ZZ Top?  He’s a quasi-handsome faepire.  Not an anime villan.  Again, I wish they’d spent the season with Sookie valiantly fighting against the magically-binding contract that compelled her to obey this man, or something.  Instead they stuck with the predictable, overused formula that looks like this in mathematical terms:

GOOD-LOOKING GUY + SOOKIE STACKHOUSE = MADLY IN LOVE WITH HER FOR ETHEREAL QUALITY THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER PERSONALITY / CRAP TOLERANCE OF AUDIENCE > NUMBER OF EYE ROLLS – ASS SHOTS

Solve for X. 

X, being why the hell was I still watching? 

H

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38 comments on “MIA Continuity Guy, Part Two

  1. Posting as Sookie: Hi ya’ll. I want you to know that I really, REALLY just wanna be a normal girl–kay? I don’t want no supernatural life (although I figured I’d end up with a shifter). But they ain’t supernatural–right? I meant what I said to Eric in episode one of this season–no more supes. Just normal life. Except for me fallin’ in lust with a fae (who turned out to be a faepire) five minutes after he was introduced. Well–how can you blame me for bein’ confused! He said he was like me–only “part” supernatural, and I’m a “glass full” (of shit) kind of girl. Anyway, after I seemed all contrite for bein’ kinda “whoreish,” I did mount the faepire, but in my defense, I was in the fairy “waiting room,” and I got a memo that says it’s like Vegas. What happens in the Fae-room stays in the Fae-room. Dude–Warlow killed my “cousin” Claude and all the female “Claudes,” but what happens in the Fae-club stays in the Fae-club too, so it’s not like I could hold that against him. So–I guess what I’m tryin’ to say is that I’m totally gonna just be a “normal” girl. No more Supernatural stuff–except for dating Alcide (Sam substitute–like puttin’ Equal in your tea instead of Sweet n Low). Anyway, that’s why I couldn’t ever give a vampire like Eric a chance–cause I wanna be “normal”–just like before I walked into Fangtasia. Except for next season when I get back together with Bill ’cause we are fated. So–totally no plot holes there. Weird though–I saw the continuity guy for the show go into the Fae-club. Wonder what happened to him…

    • ficlit78 says:

      So THAT’S what happened to the Continuity Guy!

      And quit freaking me out with your floozy-channeling. It’s like you can see into the telepath’s brain… and it’s as disappointing as we all feared it was.

    • ericluver says:

      Gawd! I laughed myself silly…and then I sobbed, cause it’s so horribly true-to-life (or in TB-land anyway) *sigh*

  2. kim says:

    X=Fuck hot ASkars. That’s the only reason I watch! Lol. Storyline is dumb, Sookie is a B and a ho and I could care less about any character..even Pam is pissing me off with her over the top sarcasm and phony dry humor. It’s annoying but I still pay my $15 a month to HBO cuz Alex makes my ovaries twinge.

  3. valady1 says:

    It may be redundant, but it bears repeating…we watch because of ASkars..he is eye candy and smart to boot. He alone gets better with each episode..I DVR the episodes, then fast forward to his scenes..And you have to admit that the gothic scene of him turning Willa was hot…

  4. ericluver says:

    Hilarious…and so true 😀

  5. 888spike says:

    @ “Warlow has looked the exact same since he was turned 5,000 years ago, minus the stupid wig. Why, oh why did Sookie’s visions of him in memories and her bathroom portray him as the lead vocals from ZZ Top?”

    I know, right? This buggered the crap out of me. At the end of S5 it looked like Warlow was set to be a super baddie and honestly a promising storyline.

    Amnesia set in when the writing commenced for S6….or the original lead on that plot line pooped in the Christmas party punch bowl and lost favor. Writers draw straws and poof! another rehash Bill-dupe-Sookie story/Sookie jumps in bed with hot stranger……
    Of course it really didn’t matter which writers straw was picked….10 out of 10 were holding a version of “Sookie sleeps with stranger/Warlow” betrayal and bedlam ensues……

    • Actually, this is quite easy to explain. You see, Warlow “eventually” realized that his hair was horrifying, but once he cut it, he had remorse. So–he kept it, and sometimes–late at night and when it’s raining (because that’s when he most thinks about the past), he pulls his old cut hair out (of course he kept it, but it’s a little nappy). Anywho–he puts it on his chin (so he can feel its harsh texture better)–thanks superglue! And–there you go! Warlow + old (bad) hair attached to chin = ZZ Top Warlow. It’s as easy as 1, 2, 7!

      • 888spike says:

        Thanx Sookat. Clear as. Jane Bodehouse’s eyes now 🙂

      • msbuffy says:

        The ZZ Top guys have much neater, well-groomed beards. Warlow looked like he came straight “from town of Bedrock, a page right out of history…when you’re with the Flintstones, have a yubba-dubba-doo time…”

  6. msbuffy says:

    That was just too fucking funny! BUT – regarding the comments! The ZZ Top guys – they aren’t the lead singers. The bearded guys play guitar, and the blonde guy is the lead singer. Been that way for over 30 years. Now, why do people insist on calling Sookie a whore? She’s had sex with 3 guys! 3! In almost 2 years & she’s 27! That hardly makes her a whore; hell, in this country it defines her as still having her virginity!

    I can’t help but feel embarrassed for these terrific actors playing these characters who are stuck in these roles on this God-awful show for one more season. Here’s one thing I could never figure out & it’s probably just one of the reasons I would never last in Hollywood – Hey! There’s a HUGE writing staff for this show! Why not have 1 writer for each of the main characters? This way, you get consistency! You don’t get characters whose personalities appear to be normal & balanced one week, and then off the charts into major personality disorders the next week? Just a suggestion. Oh, and another one! Fire you entire costume department. They suck & I don’t mean it as a pun. They really do suck. Could they dress the women any more country-slut clichéd? Or the men in anymore flannel shirts with the sleeves ripped off? It’s Louisiana, people. The chances of anyone wearing flannel there are slim to none.

    I like Sookie. I liked her in the books, and I still like her on the show. Her character can’t help that all those writers have so many differing ideas as to what she’s supposed to do from week to week. As for Sookie being a bitch, I’d be pretty bitchy too if I heard everybody’s thoughts all the time, especially if all they thought was I was a bitch, a floozy, and a ‘ho! (But then I am a bitch & I’m old & I’ve earned that right!) The things those damn writers have her doing? She looked pretty smart when she was poisoning Warlow’s food with the silver last season, but then after Episode 4, the show gets a new Exec. Producer & goes to shit. I want some of the drugs Mr. Continuity man is taking. He’s obviously not abstaining. Maybe he’ll get fired over the debacle that was Season 6, but that could be really bad. Sookie could wake up from a terrible dream & find Bobby Ewing (or worse!) in her shower.

    • ficlit78 says:

      I actually agree. I can’t bring myself to hate Sookie. I just hate how they write her. Nor do I think she’s a whore. I think she’s fickle, which in my opinion is worse. She makes bad choices while knowing better and doesn’t seem to learn. Where was all of that wonderful telepathy when Warlow was concerned? She could hear him just fine. Never once did she pick up his evilness? Again, I blame writers. Not her.

      And I also feel bad for the actors. I actually read some of the dialogue (without the benefit of the actors saying it) and it was just terrible! I can’t believe they decided to film it when it looked so anemic on paper. Thank god they have talented people, otherwise we’d REALLY notice.

      Personally, I wonder if that’s why Buckner decided against an Eric/Sookie HEA. Not because he wanted to, but because Askars himself pulled him aside and said, “I’m done with this trainwreck. Write me out.”

      I would understand 100%.

      • msbuffy says:

        Oh God! Me too. I’m surprised they all didn’t pull out of their contracts after the last season. Rolling Stone listed True Blood as one of the worst shows on TV. They compared it to Teen Wolf, but with nudity, The next one on the list was Teen Wolf, compared to True Blood, but without the nudity.

        I can’t bring myself to hate any of the characters, except Bill. Why is he the tormented soul, the vampire with “whumanitee” struggles? Gag. He’s an asshole. He was nothing but a lying, cheating, double-faced con man who is now the hero? Honestly, I don’t even want to watch the last season if it’s all about Bill & his redemption. He was dead, like really-most-sincerely-dead, but now Lillith is gone (so where did she go?), and he’s looking for redemption. From where? The puddle of slime he became? I kind of like my TV shows to make some sense.

        It’s kind of odd. Right before Bucker started, he did an interview where he stated that he wasn’t into the whole Bill & Sookie thing, Bill as the tormented vampire, etc. Well, I guess he drank the Kool-Aid.

    • kardamon says:

      It’s not about the number of guys Sookie’s been with. It’s about the timeline. Look at it like this: she brakes up with Bill and goes on a fairy trip, that in her mind takes only few minutes. Few days (two? three?) later she finds cursed Eric and in a course of few days falls in love with him. Then she chooses no one and in less than a week tries to sleep with Alcide. It takes her onother few days to hook up with Warlow. In the meantime she pops into Sam’s office to tell him that they are meant to be. I mean, I want to like Sookie, but it’s really hard when they’re writing her that way.

      • msbuffy says:

        Oh hell, there are women in real life that do much worse than that in the course of a weekend! Actually, the Jason character DOES do the same & no one thinks anything of it because he’s a man. But for a woman to do it? Right away, she’s a whore.

        Sookie had damn good reasons to break up with Bill. Betrayal of the heart & lies of the worst kind. She did fall in love with Eric, and I don’t think that’s changed; she simply couldn’t make a choice after Bill got his blood back into her and didn’t want to hurt either one so she walked away from both of them. She was drunk off her ass when she nearly had sex with Alcide. Now I don’t know of anyone who’s ever gotten drunk off their ass, slept with someone, and then woke up groaning, “Who the hell are you?” or “OMG! Did we really…….” fill in the blanks. Cause that shit NEVER happens in real life, and babies are never magically conceived in such a way. But back to Sookie & Alcide. Nothing stops the mood faster than vomiting on his shoes – which he’s lucky he still had on. My comments on Sam are below, and Sookie’s only ever kissed Sam way back in Season 1, and I’m not aware of kissing being an act under the definition of whore, so that cancels out one. With Warlow, I haven’t a clue what the writers were thinking. Maybe Sookie just wanted to tear one off. Hey, she’s single, free to do as she chooses with whom she wants. Sounds like the average 20-something single women I know, and used to be.

      • ficlit78 says:

        I agree with this as well, kardamon. These men weren’t just bed buddies, these were the supposed great loves of her life. Bill and Eric, anyway. She’d even promised to marry one of them. Then her time with Eric was obviously very meaningful, more meaningful than most people get in their lifetime. I understand she was rebounding with Alcide, but she was LAUGHING that he was in love with her when she did it. That’s a strangely bitchy thing to say to a man you’re about to screw that you don’t love back (and indeed love two others). Warlow was just stupid. And then throwing herself at Sam and saying she’d expected to be with him all along? That’s not whorish. It’s beyond stupid. It’s just a clear case of multiple writers who couldn’t be bothered to rent the other seasons over a weekend and familiarize themselves with the canon in place before writing their version of who Sookie is/what she wants. Totally unprofessional is what it is.

      • kardamon says:

        msbuffy (sorry, for some reason I can’t write it under your reply so I’m writing it under mine) – I didn’t mean to say that Sookie actually IS a whore (I think you can say that about someone only when they’re having sex with someone to gain some profit out of this – be it money, be it getting an advantagous position or something else), but it sure shows that not everything is right here.
        In a way, I think the fact that she had significant relationships with all these men makes it worse. I mean, she claimed to love or at least care for each one of them (I still don’t know what to do about Warlow – besides forgetting about him – but she did seem to care for him at one point), so how could she be so fickle with them? These guys didn’t want a hook-up, they wanted a life with her, and she knew it!
        And while I know that you can love many people at the same time, I don’t buy that she was really falling for each of them one after another – just how many people can you be IN love at the same time? Or how quick can you have a change of heart about it?
        THIS is what pisses me off.

      • msbuffy says:

        Hey kardamon!
        Thanks for the reply! Yep, all the way down here! LOL! I don’t want to reiterate all that; I’ll just say Sookie has only ever said she was in love with Bill & Eric; up until the last 30 minutes of Season 6 anyway, aka the Retinal Burning episode. Sookie has never told Sam she was in love with him. She was drunk off her ass when she was with Alcide & threw up on him & drunken, slurred words accompanied by vomit do not count for anything. Sookie never told Warlow she loved him – she told him she didn’t want him at all. So what if she’d already boinked him? She got a hot piece of ass; what she wanted! Two people having sex does not equate to love between them. Of course it’s possible to love more than one person at the same time! I don’t believe it’s possible to be IN love with more than one person at the same time. Big difference. But that’s me.
        Since this is ficlet’s blog, I’m not going to take up any more space with this. I’m tired tonight & thinking back 5 years on this is making me feel old!

        Have a Happy Halloween, everyone!

  7. claiborv says:

    I think Sookie going to Sam and delivering that line of bull was a big FU to CH by Alan Ball and crew since they seem to favor Bill. Also it showed to everyone out there how unbelievable the ending of the books was. That was the most pathetic thing I have ever seen and then she walks out of his office like she just didn’t come on to him and try to lure him away with her magic fae vagina.

  8. Adriana says:

    I totally agree with MsBuffy. Sookie is a great character despite her creator (in the books) and the dimwits who call themselves “writers”. Honestly, KJwrit, MMHS, Ficlit should go to Hollywood and write season 7 and fix the whole mockery.

    aw jeez chicks, plot shmot. Let’s be brutally honest here:

    The ONLY reason we watch or watched this sludge is right’cheer:

    http://thestir.cafemom.com/entertainment/161688/6_naked_shots_of_alexander/110224/all_wet?slideid=110224

    • ficlit78 says:

      I KNEW that link wouldn’t be safe for work, but I clicked it anyway. Ooooh, yeah.

    • msbuffy says:

      You ladies crack me up! You’ve really spent 5 years watching a show just for a glimpse of naked Alex? Now I know it was that sexy wig from Season 1 that did it! LOL!

      • Adriana says:

        No!!! Not the wig, it was the horrible pasty makeup and the huge “guns” he had from GK that did it for me. And the way he looked at Sookie like he just wanted to eat her up. 😃

        I vowed then and there that my purpose in life was to see as much of that man’s nakedness without getting arrested. Thank God, I am not alone in my endeavors!
        😜

  9. lostinspace33 says:

    Oh, come on…like the rest of us, you were watching it for Eric! 😉

    • ficlit78 says:

      Let’s not bog the conversation down in facts, lostinspace.

    • Come now—I watch for the witty repartee; the consistent, evolving characterizations; the lovely sets; the fabulous opening credits sequence; the authentic accents of the actors (especially Stephen Moyer’s); the fact that no animals were hurt during the filming of the scenes; etc. I do NOT watch to study the body of any individual (nor have I ever rewound any scenes to objectify anyone’s anatomy–ever). I have not enshrined anyone’s ass as my screensaver. If–IF–I rewound the scene of anyone on any snowy mountain tops, it was only because reading is something to be celebrated. (But I’m an English teacher, so isn’t that justifiable?)

    • msbuffy says:

      Just for Alex’s fine acting skills, lostinspace33! Merely his, uh, skills.

  10. Nice to know that plenty of others saw the GLARING stupidity of season 6 as I did! As soon as Bill rose from the splattered dead as the walking tampon I said that he would have to die to make that storyline mean anything. The writers decided to go there and kill him only to resurrect as something else, so in the end if they wanted to keep it even semi-believable he would eventually have to die. But alas, there is always some magic trick up his sleeve to bring him back. The whole Warlow storyline was just crap icing on a crap cake. That could have actually turned out to be scary and exciting had they gone in a totally different direction with it. I also wondered many times how the hell she saw him as some crazy Freddy Kruegeresque monster but in every flashback and in the present day he looks completely normal. Oh and the whole scene where Sookie tells Sam that she just always thought they would end up together…that was just crazy! I loved that he completely rejected her though, like ‘what in the world are you talking about?’ At least he has enough self respect to not be her last fallback guy when she’s pushed everyone else away. I don’t know what to think about season 7 because this past season was just one big mind f*ck!

    • msbuffy says:

      Maybe I’m the only one who got the scene with Sam. Sookie did not want to fulfill Warlow’s warped sense of his destiny and had no one to turn to for help in the Supe world. Bill let her know he didn’t give a shit, she had burned her bridges with Eric & he wasn’t around anyway, Niall had disappeared, Alcide couldn’t help, and the Fae Burlesque Bunch had gone off to the Summerlands. Sookie always has a way of getting in over her head, and she also chooses not to let others know she’s n trouble because she doesn’t want to drag them in. Senseless? Oh yeah. So at that point, she was desperate. She needed to “belong” to someone in that Supe kind of way or she wasn’t going to have any chance of getting away from Warlow. That’s the only reason she went to Sam. He’s always been her friend, and she’s always been able to rely on him. Seriously bad timing since she had no idea what had been going on with him. Way to put your friend in a terrible, certain-death situation? Absolutely. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Had Sookie presented things differently, there might have been a different outcome. I know it’s really hard to interpret the scene other than the way it was presented, but that’s what it was about – a young woman stuck in a horrible situation desperate to get out of it with nowhere to go & that’s her last resort. It is fun to look at it like the ultimate “F*ck You!” to CH, and maybe that was part of it for fun, but it was simply about desperation.

  11. luvvamps says:

    We’re all dreaming if you don’t think Bill and Sookie will end up together. It makes me sick, but I will be watching to the end with my barf bag in hand.

    • msbuffy says:

      I plan to watch the season in the way we all used to go & watch “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” back in the 70’s. We’d take a bag filled with props & throw them at the screen whenever someone said a particular sentence (hot dogs & toilet paper are the 2 things I remember most). We would all be somewhat inebriated from alcohol or the drug of our choice, or both so memories are foggy. I’ll have to think up things to throw whenever I hear “Sookeh” or “Beehl,” & then other things to do – like maybe something to say whenever Arlene appears on screen. I’ll make it fun this way because I have to. Otherwise, I’ll just get too pissed off & I refuse to let myself get pissed off over a stupid TV show. I have an imagination, and in it, my favorite characters from the books & show are together & laughing at Bill Compton forever. All of these lovely ladies writing their stories on their blogs will keep me entertained with their wonderful (and filthy – but in a good way!) imaginations & creativity until they begin to write their own novels. One day, I’ll get to review their books & give them star ratings! Just cause I can. And just because of all the great things they provided for us when those who should have left us not high and very dry.

  12. kardamon says:

    Oh, and another plot-crap: Bill needs to save all vampires because bad humans hunt them! And why is that? Could it be, that it has anything to do with Bill bombing True Blood factories and the out of control orgies and carnage she was a part of? Hmmm. Nah… That’s just a coincidence.

  13. LauraZ (116Jeff) says:

    Word (to all your continuity issues).
    I think I about spit my wine through my nose during the scene with Sookie saying she thought she’d end up with Sam. Honestly, did Charlaine write that shit into the contract because it didn’t make any sense in the TB world? Considering all the backlash for the ending of the books, maybe she thought it would have more substance or validity when seen on tv. It seemed just as fucked-up on screen as when I read it in print.
    Alan Ball, et all, I’m convinced, sat around smoking maryjane or doing lsd for a couple of years and let the plot(s) get away from them. They all woke up from their drug haze a couple years later and realized there was no concise way to tie all their stupid, trippy, flight-of-thought plots/sub-plots together. Instead of taking the opportunity to make CH’s characters more complex and exploring them in a way that CH’s simple mind isn’t able to do, they spread them so thin that they are flat and down right stupid. Oh, and sorry, only one more season to go. I feel like they’re going to do with the whole series what they did with the Eric/Bill/Sookie thing: no one will be happy in the end.

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