More “nit-picky” shit (called legitimate plot hole spotting) that the MIA Continuity Guy would have fixed if he weren’t dead in the rose hedge.
1) Lillith told Bill that he’d been chosen to save vampire kind from the horrible something-something-never-specified-cloaked-in-cryptic-crap. But when it came down to it, Bill saved….what?…20 vampires in a piddly little camp in Northern Louisiana? Dude, Antonia was a better villan than Burrell, in terms of vamp extermination. Why didn’t Lillith appear and stop her way back then?
2) Speaking of Lillith, are we EVER going to get the full story on her? Okay, so she’s the First Vampire, but who Made her? Did she just magically appear thousands of years ago? Or was she a mad god of sorts, as others suggested? I’m really annoyed that she had the Chancellors kill each other off for the honor of being possessed by her, when her ultimate goal was destroying Vamp Camp. Hell, Eric did half that shit, and he wasn’t chosen by her. I’m pretty sure even that little kid vamp could have handled Burrell’s wannabe Birkenau.
3) If there were more fairies around in the old days (as we’ve been told there were), how come there weren’t more faepires Made? Why was Warlow seemingly the only one anyone had ever heard of?
4) Why has the fairy plot line been so crappy? Mab was a great character. She was clearly very intent on collecting every last fairy hybrid in the world and bringing them back to Faery. Sookie escapes, and we never see her again. Mab makes NO ATTEMPT to take her again. Claudine shows up and makes some vague suggestion that Sookie is only safe with them, but Eric eats her and Sookie seems totally unmoved by her death. Claude later explains (in their insurgent hideout/burlesque house) that not all fairies agree with Mab’s reaping, of which we never hear anything of again. Hadley and Hunter have thrown in with them, though we’re never told how she find out about them or why she’s chosen to permenently live with them….or why she’s apparently a waitress there. (I guess even fairies require cute blondes to bring them beer.) Then Niall shows up, with zero explanation about his kingliness or how his royalty relates to Mab. He proves about as effective as Bud Dearborn in fighting supernatural crime, then leaves after the big showdown. And Warlow was his dad? Jesus, writers. Learn to plot a course before you steer an ocean liner.
5) I know it’s going back a ways, but I STILL never got a clear answer as to why Marnie was able to silver Eric and Bill and burn them at the stake. Think about it. Bill killed her. She inhabited Lafayette. Marniyette killed Jesus and went to exact revenge on the two vampires. But Antonia had already left her. Her ability as a necromancer left with her. How in the fuck was she able to corral those two onto a fire? And if she could, why would she need silver chains to tie them up? Wouldn’t her will keep them in place? Lafayette didn’t have the ability, and neither did Jesus, so how THE FUCK did she overpower BOTH of them?
6) I can’t believe I’ve gone this far without mentioning when Sookie went to Sam and absurdly confessed that she’d always secretly believed that they’d one day end up together. Does Charlaine Harris own stock in HBO?
7) If Warlow managed to kill Lillith (his Maker) all those years ago, who the hell collected her blood in a vial for the vampires to worship thousands of years later? She was a blood stain in a cave! Did they ring that shit out of the dirt?!? (Insert Cave Fae shout-out to kjwrit.)
8) Warlow has looked the exact same since he was turned 5,000 years ago, minus the stupid wig. Why, oh why did Sookie’s visions of him in memories and her bathroom portray him as the lead vocals from ZZ Top? He’s a quasi-handsome faepire. Not an anime villan. Again, I wish they’d spent the season with Sookie valiantly fighting against the magically-binding contract that compelled her to obey this man, or something. Instead they stuck with the predictable, overused formula that looks like this in mathematical terms:
GOOD-LOOKING GUY + SOOKIE STACKHOUSE = MADLY IN LOVE WITH HER FOR ETHEREAL QUALITY THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HER PERSONALITY / CRAP TOLERANCE OF AUDIENCE > NUMBER OF EYE ROLLS – ASS SHOTS
Solve for X.
X, being why the hell was I still watching?