Sometimes, the mission chooses YOU.

Hey people.

Once again, there’s no chapter post here, so if you want to turn away in disgust for me wasting your valuable time, I totes understand.

But I came across this youtube video and I felt compelled–in light of our man’s “big” reveal at the end of S6–to share this with you.  Because like me, I’m sure you gorge on your fair share of non-TB cable fare.  Hot, steamy, post-watershed dreck that, because of its high production costs and period costuming, you can convince yourself is classy watchin’.

That, and hardcore nudity, of course.

But the nudity is overwhelmingly of the T&A variety, with an emphasis on the T, and almost NO showing of the P.  Now, the TB world lit the internet up when we all got a peek at the P of ASkars, but I have to say that personally, I was irritated.

First, Buckner had the balls to talk it up pre-airing, proud as punch that he was the one who shot Jr.  ASkars’ Jr.  On film.  The fact that he mentioned it at all piqued my interest, because hey!  This is HBO!  If they feel the need to mention a particular nude scene in a show awash with naked people, then it must be something crazy!  My knowledge of Anna Paquin is borderline gynaecological, so my shamefully-vague map of the hottest man on the planet was clearly about to spike!  What would they be doing?  What kind of amazing scene would they christen his P with?  Something tasteful, no doubt.   Like a dick fist fight.  Instead, we were treated to ASkaars one and only scene in the finale (a crime nothing short of a 120-minute porno could forgive), and it’s a split-second weenie roast.

First of all, props to ASkars for letting it all hang out and making it clear that male nudity isn’t the big damn deal that tv execs whisper in curtained rooms it is.  That somehow, the penis is more sacred, or more revealing, than a woman sporting all her junk.  Given the stereotype about how men love talking about their cock and sexual exploits while women demurely angle the conversation towards romance, you’d think the male-heavy boardrooms wouldn’t bat a manly eyelash at dude nudes.  Clearly, that is not the case.  Dudes like THEIR nudes.  Not other dudes.  That’s obviously gay, even though there’s a camera, a tv screen, and about two thousand miles between the male audience and the male wee-wee in question.

But I’m getting distracted by something shiny (beefy).  ASkars’ healthy indifference to his own nudity aside, Buckner insulted his entire fanbase by promising something extraordinary and levelling to their titty-littered playing field, and delivered a shitty lack of Eric, with a juvenile assumption that his one scene could be a quick (and not at ALL proportionate to the female nudity on the show) peepshow-come-snuff film of a naked guy getting burned to death.

Not. Cool.

Now, back in Season 2, we did get an occasional male frontal, during the whole maenad Bon-Temps-Is-Now-A-Giant-Smoosh-Room period.  Full nudes of both genders were kinda essential.  However, they once again shafted us by choosing the fattest, oldest, most unattractive male extras they could capture bumming for spare change on the Santa Monica freeway, stole their clothes, threw them on set, and screamed “Action!”  Lillith and her nekkid apostles, mind you, weren’t the corpulent, pendulous type of female gods.  Oh no.  They’d come down from on high of Mount O-nymph-us, with their pert tummies, better than average boobs and strategic bush maintenance.  Men got spank bank material.  Women got the slightly uncomfortable feeling that they’d just walked in on their granddad in the shower.

Level playing field, my jean-clad, unsculpted ass.

Anywho, the great news is that I am not alone.  Several women far more hilarious than me have decided to take their complaint to the internet streets of youtube.  Watch the clip below.  And join the fight!  Sometimes, the mission isn’t what you choose to accept.  Sometimes, the mission chooses YOU.


7 comments on “Sometimes, the mission chooses YOU.

  1. msbuffy says:


  2. Shandiii says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more they made such a big deal that they had something special for Eric fans in the season 6 finale, and what do we get a quick flash as he catches on fire, fuck me I didn’t want to see that , I just sat there with my mouth open not even being able to speak for the rest of the episode, until my husband started laughing at me that is, then I found my voice to tell him to STFU real quick. What pissed me off even more was that all people could talk about after was how big it was, FFS I still get angry thinking about it.

  3. luvvamps says:

    I just have to repeat “Awesome”!

  4. I agree.
    I found it very distasteful the way Buckner hyped up Askars full frontal as provocative and sexy. I know Askars doesn’t care about being naked and fair play to him for having a heathy attitude to nudity but the scene was disrespectful to him as an actor. Burning to death naked isn’t provocative or at all sexy. From the sound of things with Buckner on PR damage control after the shit-tastic season finale letting people know Askars would be back that maybe he learned his lesson. : /

    Also, that video was fantastic. Plus the point must be made that most woman have seen more boobs than penis in their lifetime thanks to HBO shows and other networks that allow nudity.

  5. Adriana says:

    I saw this on FB and reposted it. If there is a serious petition out there, I’ll sign it.

    I think we can all agree that Fuckner is an ass that makes Alan Ball look like a saint. I guess the thought of Askars’ peen was supposed to distract us from the shit show he was broadcasting.

    And, clearly, he thinks so little of females and gay men that he supposes that we all get turned on by BURNING MAN PENIS!! wooohooo!!! Because, that was so hot! 🙂

    • msbuffy says:

      As usual, I will agree with you! Could there any more ways to cheapen a drowning show? Who gives a flying f*ck about size – it’s burning & can barely be seen anyway. Furthermore, let’s put things in perspective – this is supposed to be a 1000-year-old Viking vampire who didn’t get to be 1000-years-undead by doing such stupid things – even if there was or was not magic fairy vagina involved. By the way, just what would they also have us believing Sheriff Northman was using for sunscreen, not only on his beautiful body, but the Gracious Plenty itself which I’m certain has seen less sunlight than the rest of him even in his Viking days, and where would one buy SPF 1million? Obviously as a “North Man,” Eric would be aware of what the reflection of the snow’s glare can do as well. Just how friggin’ dense does Fuckner believe his audience to be? I guess you’re right; we hetero females think of nothing else. Naked ASkars will please us & keep us all quiet about the fiasco of a season that Brainless F*ckner created of S6. That’s not only insulting to hetero females everywhere, but all females, and really all human beings, most of all, Mr. Skaarsgard (have no idea how to spell his name). I’d say he’s worked hard enough, paid his dues, and earned a respected reputation by now so he’s past the having to show it all stage of his career whether or not he doesn’t care. It really doesn’t matter who the actor would have been though. It was unnecessary & demeaning. And so f*cking stupid.

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