A View from the Cheap Seats is Shitty for Two Reasons


The first reason is the most obvious one.  I can’t see anything.  And what I mean by that is, I didn’t watch the finale.

The second reason is, I am so FAR removed from this show that I used to love more than most of my earthly possessions, and I used to give EVERYTHING to be closer to it.  I used to stream it the moment it aired on the east coast, and would spend hours waiting for it to download on my shitty little computer, and when it only downloaded thirty seconds at a time, I would still watching those thirty seconds, then wait five minutes for the next thirty.  Sometimes it would take half a day to watch, but I did it.  Gladly.

I was that in love.  I saw every single detail, I was that close.

Now, from a seat so far away that I’m actually not even watching it anymore, I still managed to be disappointed by it.

Perhaps the metaphor isn’t working.

Let me be more frank.

I’ve read the reviews for the finale, “Thank You,” and I’m fucking disgusted.  I’m so pissed off that I am never going to watch that half of an ass at any point in my life.

Hopefully everyone is already in the know now, but in case you’re not and don’t want to be, fly away now.  I’m am about to spoiler the hell out of this.  Indeed, that’s a perfect word:  Spoiled.  This whole franchise is a spoiled as a three-week old banana.  Greasy.  Black.  Dead.

After seven long years, it apparently doesn’t matter who Sookie ends up with, despite that being the focal point of the entire fucking show.  Indeed, her happiness is all that’s needed for the universe to fall into harmony and host social gatherings that don’t end with at least two corpses.  The name, or even face, of the person who made her happy, however, is none of our fuckin’ business.  And why should it be?  Who the hell are we?  We’re just the audience.  Sookie doesn’t need to jog every suitor across our screen just so we can put our two cents in.  I guess.  Because even though that was the case with every other guy for the entirety of her twenties, and we were treated to every introduction, smile, cute misunderstanding and eventual pornographic crescendo, suddenly we don’t need to know.  Suddenly, after several boobs, vaginas and buckets of tears, the audience needs a little mystery.  This random dude who may or may not know Sookie’s heritage, mind-reading, family issues, attraction to vampires and ability to inadvertently get everyone around her killed, is not for us to scrutinize.

I imagine the writers thought they were being clever.  What they were was cheap.

They took a cheap fucking shot.  It’s a hack way to ham-fistedly end a now-hack show.  It’s just like any other dream sequence or coma patient or momentary death-brought back to life trick.  It robs the scene of any meaning.  In this case, literally.  This man has no meaning because he’s not even a person.  He’s the back of a head, and a whispered-into ear.  That’s it.  He might as well be name Sookie’s Happiness, because that’s ALL he’s supposed to represent.  Unlike Bill, Eric, Alcide, Sam, and even Warlow, he has no history, no opinions, no life outside of her (that we’re shown).  He’s perfect, custom-made for Sookie in every way, because we’ve been shown zero interaction.  No fights, no differing philosophies, so conflicting job schedules, nada.

Of course he’s better than Eric.  Of course he’s better than Bill and all the others.  How can they compete?  And how dare we question it, because we don’t know shit about their lives or how deliriously perfect they are together.  BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T SHOW US.

What they DID show us, however, was the only thing this guy really needed to bring to the table.  Viable sperm.

Yes, like Bill’s and the writers’ Victorian sensibilities, all Sookie really needed to be happy in life was babies.  Bill said this several times in the show when he was blubbering about all the things he couldn’t give her.  As a couple, they could never have children.  You know, something I found interesting all these seven years and ESPECIALLY now, is that Sookie never said one thing about wanting or not wanting kids.  Not once, as far as I can recall.  Can you?  I mean, with all the relationships she entered into, you’d think she’d mention it once.  But she didn’t.  She never, ever indicated that she couldn’t really end up with a vampire because it would thwart her womanly wish to pop out babies.  And now, after all that radio silence on the matter, we learn that she did indeed want some.  And she’s HAPPY, remember?  Because this human nobody was able to fill that order.

And that’s another thing.  The entire premise of this show stemmed from the fact that Sookie was drawn to vampires because she couldn’t hear them.  I mean, in season one the woman was PLAGUED by people’s thoughts, as she was during her rousing-yet-vague speeches to the town this season.  People’s thoughts drive her crazy.  They left her dateless and sexless her entire young life.  Touching men especially made her skin crawl.  She loved, more than anything, the peace of a vampire mind.

Fuck. My. Plothole.  Suddenly this is not even noteworthy.  Hell, it wasn’t even mentionable when Alcide was her bed buddy.  Sex with someone who’s thoughts amplify 1000% is totally fine now.  No prob, Bob.  I don’t care that he thinks I’m gross in the morning, or I come off as bossy, or that he thinks pictures of my family in the hallway look stupid, blah blah blah.  I can’t take him to task for any of this, because he THOUGHT it, he didn’t say it.  So it doesn’t count.  I’ll just let it slowly wear down my self-esteem until we don’t talk at all anymore.  Weeeeee!

My final point in this meandering rant are the people that got lost along the way.  I didn’t see the finale, so I can’t say for sure, but I’m going to make a list of people that just up and fucking disappeared, even though their introduction and involvement were pretty fuckin’ big deals that should have been addressed in some way.

Willa.  Niall.  Mab.  Hadley.  Hunter.  Barry.  The Authority (and the vacuum they left behind when all killed).  The other kings and queens of states who were never mentioned.

On the opposite spectrum, here is a list of people who got way too much fucking air time and contributed nothing to the core plot.

Lettie Mae.  Reverend Daniels.  Terry and his marine cronies. Lillith.  Vampire Tara. Adalyn.   The Yukuza. Violet.  Willa (yes, she was pointless, but they made her a big deal, then abandoned her).  Arlene’s kids. Holly’s kids. Jane Bodehouse. Ginger.  Nicole.  Keith and James (aka the PG-13 replacement vampires for Bill and Eric, who were just too much to handle for our vanilla Bon Temps crowd).  Bridgette.  Sookie’s dead parents who may or may not have been real in the first place.

I know I have more issues.  Hell, this rant could go on for days.  I’m just so angry and disappointed.  They had endless avenues they could have pursued, and the producers and writers chose the WORST possible ones.  It was clunky and pointless and even the actors themselves seem to check their watches during their scenes.

But hey, at least Eric and Pam still have each other, right?  And they’re (slightly) richer, which was their biggest problem the entire series: their glaring lack of wealth.  (I saw in a review that the guy would rather that the show had been about nothing but Pam and Eric running a video rental store in the 90s.  I totally agree.)

I’ll sign off, but I’d love to hear your thoughts in a thread.  Am I crazy?  Was ANYONE happy with this ending?

Love to you and flying daggers to this middle finger of a series finale,








26 comments on “A View from the Cheap Seats is Shitty for Two Reasons

  1. A-fucking-men!!! Preach on sister!

  2. As soon as I’m done throwing tomatoes at that epic fail of a series finale, I’ll be giving you a standing ovation. The best part of it for me was texting Kacy during the last 20 minutes we watched.

  3. sweetmg says:

    You said it, Hon! This whole bloody season, and maybe last season, too, it felt like this team (?) of so-called writers all got together and smoked a mammoth sized fatty — and then proceeded to jot random ideas down on Post-It notes, stick them all over the walls, then blindfold each other and throw darts at those 3×3 inch squares to piece the “story” together. Still shaking my head. So much wasted potential! Ugh.

  4. Jackie69 says:

    True Blood will past in history for the worst show ever! Its final season was all trash: the only good thing that came out of this shitty show is Bill’s death! He finally payed for his sins,sorry for Bill’s fans but it’s true…Sookie kept her ball of light good for her but she ends with some random guy and they don’t shows us his face! Jessica and Hoyt get married ! WHF! I didn’t want their reunion: it’s so off, Jason’s married, Sookie’s pregnant….Arlene in the end happy with a vampire! Well I always thought that ending suited Sookie!! But we fans just have move on right? Who are us to critize the writing!..As for Pam and Eric..I guess I’m happy they are alive away from the Yakuza but Eric and Pam characters were assassinated : they making big money and whoring Sarah Newlin !! Like if thats what counts in their lives… Bad Bad !Thanks goodness there’s FF

    • Jackie69 says:

      just reading my comment again sorry for my grammar and spelling mistakes I was so pissed I couldn’t see straight hi take care everybody

  5. sharky237 says:

    I have never been so disgusted with the show as I was with the last scene of the finale. Fuck that.

  6. Maria says:

    Omg!!!! I just got finished watching the finale and I have no words. I completely agree with u. I feel like everyone just checked out and was like “let’s wrap it up people!” Wt fing f! I was such a huge fan of the show and just fell in love with the characters so much and for them to just kind of half ass it like this!? Really!!?? Well at least they killed Bill…that asshat had to go. But I am soooo disappointed with the way they decided to play it out…ugh…I’m wearing black for a week…haha..

    Sookie herself who said she didn’t want kids for fear of passing her telepathy and faeness on. It’s Charlaine Harris’ ending except her suitor has no face. I wonder if she is as bigoted as her book counterpart?
    It depressed me that Sookie ended up where she was in the beginning. No growth and content with small town life. It would have been braver of them to have her leave Bon Temps I would have loved to have seen her return from her travels wiser and maybe with a love interest in tow but not some faceless sperm donor.
    Also why the hell are Pam and Eric back in Shreveport in Fangtasia? It was made abundantly clear they were sent there as punishment by the authority and they used footage of Eric looking bored on his throne from season 3 when Eric was watching Yvetta dance. Lazy. The only readon i can logically think of them being back there is that Eric is protecting Sookie from a distance. 😦

  8. valady1 says:

    At least Bill finally (it did take two times to make it stick since she staked him last season to save Eric) got the “point”…And selfish to the end, he tried to get her to give up her faeness to help him commit suicide. That at least was a positive, she refused to lose something that was a part of her.

  9. caraway seed says:

    What a sad and pathetic ending. I miss the show it could have been. I am grateful for the fanfiction it engendered. I too am angry at the show it became.

  10. glamouredbyyou says:

    It’s bitching time!!! My best part of this crab: After ‘Kill Bill’ she walks into the light!!! How lame is this!
    I’m really angry, that they left us hanging with this boring ending. We know, Eric cares about Sookie,but not one line after these 3years about this. Oh wait, these great writers will suggest us, Eric is the old Eric because of Bills speech about Vamps and their darkness, Stupid me!!!
    I could go on and on about nearly every minute. Thank Godric, there were a few Eric and Pam minutes! The scene in the car with Eric rocking to the music – priceless! We will see gazillions of gifs of it!
    I only know, 99% of the F writers, especially Ficlit, would have done better!

  11. redjane12 says:

    Your rant is very justified and right throughout… TB ended up on whimper and a totally lame episode around the wedding of two, if not pointless, somewhat outside of the central plot (in my opinion) of a 7 season long show. I haven’t watched it (and won’t) but from reading the reviews two things strike me:
    1) This ending seems designed to piss off everyone… I am a devoted Bill hater but to build him up so much this season to have Sookie kill him in the end is not going to win any fans on the Bill-Sookie ship either…. And it was bad TV and a total f-ing bore to spend so much time on this death…. Generally I find odd that the show wants to have Bill be some kind of tragic hero (the Allan Ball ‘vision’) and yet his final act is to traumatize Sookie by asking her to stake him… Seriously is that what you do to people you love? Ask them to kill you so they have the best memory possible? Go away and die on a beach and send her a postcard… What an asshole… And writers, you suck sooooo bad…
    2) What a lost opportunity for a show that had all the supernatural elements and characters to go out with a massive battle and instead we are given the bloody Bon Temps treatment as an epilogue? What seems most inconsistent is that Sookie doesn’t (as in the books) leave supernatural behind since she is friends with Jessica, Willa etc. so why have this random (your rant on how unimportant he is shown to be is insulting) guy knock Sookie up? Sure I always want to see her with Eric and wouldn’t her ending with him and knocked up via in vitro be a great message about accepting others, mixed families etc. which is what the show appeared to have championed at least early on?
    All in all, perhaps because my expectations were so low and I expected doom and gloom (Sookie turned by Bill and/or with Bill, Eric finally dead and so on), my thought was that the ending is open enough for fanfic to come to the rescue and reunite Sookie and Eric… So many possible scenarios if one ignores the personality distortions the stupid writers have allowed over the past season or two…

    • redjane12 says:

      Didn’t finish the sentence ‘your rant on how unimportant he is shown to be is insulting’ is TOTALLY SPOT ON… Just clarifying that your rant is NOT insulting!!! but the treatment of his character and by extension of Sookie’s

    • switbo says:

      You’re SO right. For a show that originally at least seemed to be championing the idea of accepting others’ differences and refusing prejudice…..they sure ended up sending the idea that Sookie could only be “happy” with her own kind.

      And as for the idea that she has to have babies to be happy? What a load of crap. And an insult to all the people out there who either can’t or choose not to have children.

      • redjane12 says:

        The children question is, in my opinion, not the issue. Human couples face the issue of one or both partners inability to have children in a natural manner and there are now medical solutions as well as adoption. I think the discussion should have been more mature and thoughtful (but TB sadly just went for shock value, nudity, sex etc.) eg examining whether Sookie wanted to take the risk to pass her telepathy to her kids or how what happens when a vampire-human couple have children? Firstly the human in the couple faces the issue of being turned or not (which would seem a pretty important discussion to be had) and then if there are children, that adds to the complexity of say if Sookie had been turned after having kids, how does one live as a vampire knowing you will see your children grow up and die a human death (assuming they do not get turned). These would be to me issues worth exploring in some depth but no, TB’s choice preferred to go for cheap thrills, uninteresting plots about side characters and huge continuity fails. We never heard about Hunter again for example (just mentioning him while on the issue of children around vampires). The show failed to address normality in human-vampire relationships beyond the obvious dangers and thrills connected to sex and violence. They gave a glimpse in that final Thanksgiving scene but that was a quick snapshot without any reflection beyond cliches. Very poor TV but rich for HBO as the last season’s ratings have still been the best this summer not just in cable but better than most network shows.

      • ficlit78 says:

        To redjane’s point, I totes agree. The uninteresting subplots sucked up all available time for more important questions to be answered. My biggest two were: Sookie and the fairies, and the vampires and their political structure. Also Lillith, who up and fucking disappeared with no explanation of who she was or what she wanted, after chewing scenery for eleven fucking episodes.

        Sookie and the fairies were utterly wasted. We never found out if Mab was successful in harvesting the rest of the human-fairy hybrids from the world. Seriously, were Sookie and Hunter the only ones who managed to escape? Are they the ONLY telepaths on the planet now? That leads me to Claudine, Claude, Morella and her four Belfluer babies. Claudine’s motivations were vague and her death was pointless. Then she’s NEVER mentioned again. Sookie sheds not one tear and the whole plot moves on without anyone explaining WHY people need fairy godmothers and what she’d hope to achieve with Sookie. Enter Claude, prancing around buying clothes for his sisters and frequenting his burlesque fairy hideout. Here, he tells Sookie that a faction of fairies are hiding because they don’t all agree with Mab’s plan. Even Hadley’s here, and we’re left to assume Hunter is too. How she found these fucking people when she didn’t even KNOW about fairies, is (as usual) none of our fucking business. But more importantly, WHY these fairies disagree with Mab, and what their goals are, is never revealed. Then Warlow eats them all. I think I remember someone saying that Hadley escaped, but I don’t know why they think that since they weren’t present for the attack. So Hadley and Hunter? Who the fuck cares. They served their purpose, so into limbo they go. Morella is equally important, but just as ignored. Why would she want to breed with humans if Mab decreed a harvest? Is she with Claude? Why would she not reappear when her daughters died, or protect them from Jessica, if they are guardians for hybrids? I mean, what the fucking fuck?

        The vampire Authority had the possibility of being one of the most sinister and interesting points of the show. Their name was invoked with awe by vampires for three seasons. When we finally meet them, they’re a group of do-gooders obsessed with mainstreaming and PR, until Lillith shows up and executes them one by one. We never see the extent of their power over the vampire community (are they national? International?), nor do we see ANY fallout once they’re all killed. No Magister. No council. The AVL seemed to dry up once Nan hit the carpet. Sooooo… there is total anarchy with the vampire political collapse…. but nothing happens? Fuck. Them.

        Anyway, I thought I’d rant a little more. There are so many problems with this show, you can’t keep track of them all.

      • switbo says:

        Totally agree with Ficlit’s rant. (Although if I had to see Litlith’s bloody muff one more time….ugh!)

        Sadly, you only named a few of the abandoned plot lines, holes, and characters. This show ended up being such a CF that it almost prevented me from watching the new show being made from the Outlander book series. Fortunately, so far that show seems to be sticking closely to the books.

  12. switbo says:

    So glad I didn’t watch this season! Or most of last season, for that matter. I’ll stick with you. And KjWrit. And CaliforniaKat. And…. Well you get the idea. 🙂

  13. morggys says:

    Amen. I would just like to point out Sookie did mention babies once – season 4 finale. She said all she wanted at the end of the day was to sit down on her porch with her grandbabies, she said this to Tara.
    Still it doesn’t justify that ending. In the end the only thing she finally fucking learned is that being fae is part of her and she doesn’t need to be rid of it.

    I don’t know how anyone can be happy with the fact Eric is defaulted back into being a bad guy and a PIMP to boot! He’s a pimp! He sells Sarah’s blood and probably lady parts in his basement! Awesome! That is SOOO what I wanted for him! Ugh.

    Anyways. I didn’t watch this season – at all – but of course, I felt an obligation to know what was going on. I’m just glad I was so distant from it at the end, I’m not as mad as I could be.

  14. BluLou says:

    In such agreement with the posters to date. 2 other things to add…
    1) If it’s such a ‘heroic’ thing Bill is doing to kill himself so Sookie can have a ‘normal’ life with children, why did he pressure Jessica into the same wrong arrangement? Wouldn’t the right thing be for him to convince her that Hoyt should have the same chance to move on from her (since it’s the same toxic relationship, but with the genders reversed)? Shouldn’t Hoyt have a chance to be a father? Why not drag Jess’s constantly blood-smeared face into the grave with him and have both of them killed? Instead we get Bill’s selfishness ruling over everyone to do only as he wishes. Not even sure what message the writers are trying to tell us here.
    2) The epilogue is such a special mess! It’s 3-4 years later and Jason is rolling around on the living room floor with a kid that has to be at least 6 yrs old. Is she a quick growing kid like in Twilight? and honestly, i kinda was liking what I was seeing..Sookie seriously pregnant and no-baby daddy in sight. I’m thinking “OK, she just trotted down to the Bon Temps sperm bank and bought a tube and a turkey baster (“wow, clever tie in to the Thanksgiving theme, way to go writers!” i’m thinking). And it’s prob Jason’s and we’ll get a spin off. But then to see Mr. Back of the Head and sit him at the HEAD OF THE TABLE. WTF??? do the writers hate strong women and they waited 7 yrs to get revenge? Is the final message ‘you’re no one (or unhappy, or not ‘normal’) unless you’re part of a couple’?
    ABSOLUTELY correct that the unpaid FF writers have done a superior job! The hacks on the TV show should have their salaries clawed back!

  15. UGH. I didn’t watch it, of course, but it sounds like complete and utter BULLSHIT. Way to just disregard all the character and relationship development over the course of the show. Whatever. Fanfic it is.

  16. lostinspace33 says:

    I’ve never been so bored with an episode of TB or a series finale of any show! Only the last 10 minutes were remotely interesting, and they felt like they were just slapped onto the end because the writers had run out of time. While I’m thrilled about Sookie staking Bill (and him not miraculously coming back from the dead), I felt like the ending for Eric and Pam was portrayed in such a cheesy fashion it was insulting. And don’t get me started on the appearance of CH and her little beady eyes in the infomercial scene! **giant eye roll and gagging** I’m also offended by the expectation that we’re supposed to just accept Sookie’s future happiness with Joe Blow mystery guy we’ve never met or even seen before. Is he truly human or is he a supe? If he’s human, how does that work with her telepathy? Not that I care about this mystery guy in the least, but I have unanswered questions, dammit! (At least as they relate to Sookie.)

  17. Diana says:

    I could not have said it any better. Thank you for summing up my frustrations, my anger and all around disgust with True Blood and the Sookie Stackhouse series. I felt I gave myself over to a wonderful idea and it did nothing for me but disappoint. Thank God for wonderful fan fiction stories like yours and others. ‘ve been disenchanted with True Blood since season five. But I kept with it in hopes that perhaps the writers would see the potential in Charlene’s characters and bring extra life to them. Instead, I’ve seen a show become a bad caricature of itself. The show just became more outrageous and stupid as it went along. What happened to True Blood is bad, lazy writing. You’re right, there were too many characters and not enough attention paid to the characters the audience actually cared about. We cared about the core characters: Sookie, Eric, Pam, Bill, Lafayette, Tara (to some extent) and maybe Sam and Jason. Characters like Andy, Arlene, Holly and such should have been involved when it related to the core characters. They were not deserving of their own damn storylines. The set-up for some storylines were so long, that when they ran out of time, the delivery was a big dud. Lettie Mae’s story. Andy’s daughter and violet was a big waste of time. For the last 30 minutes of the fucking show, we did not see ERIC at all. There was no closure between Eric and Sookie at all!!! He was a major part of her life. She thought she loved him at one time. Where the fuck is the closure. Also, when I saw the man without a face, I almost cried. I couldn’t believe that the so-called writers were so fucking lazy that they could not come up with a viable storyline. I just think they all checked out and could have cared less what happened. When I saw Charlene Harris’ fucking face, I wanted to throw something at her. God help me, I need some good fan fiction to get this out of my mind.

    Also, a special thank you to you for writing one of my favorite fan fictions. Like all seasons of True Blood, I was disappointed with the ending of season 3 and needed something to feed my Sookie/Eric love. And Pretty Kitty, Five as Agree upon came right on time. Great job. How about you write this horrible season out of my mind? Please, pretty please

  18. Kim says:

    Can someone please explain why in the hell Sookie had to kill Bill when he was already dying of an incurable, rapidly progressing fatal disease? Stupid. Just wait a day and he would have exploded into a pile of goo like Nora did. Shit the writers are idiots.

  19. lilydragonsblood says:

    thank you ficlit (and the other members of the ‘elite’ fanfic group of writers – you know who you are) for erasing all the shitty things about SVM and TB and giving us the eric and sookie stories we actually WANT to read!!!….xxx

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